I Found Myself at PAX 2009

You might think it hyperbole if I told you PAX 2009 in Seattle changed my life forever. I would forgive you for thinking so. After all, headlines are written to glue your eyes to the page (or screen, in this case). They are often embellished just to hook the reader. I would love to hook you. This headline is, however, different in the respect that it is 100% accurate. This is my story.

First, a little background: he can’t quite remember how it all started, but a boy in Knoxville, Tennessee, somehow came around to the subject of the Penny Arcade Expo in Seattle, Washington, with his wonderful wife. The boy is sometimes frugal and sometimes quite the opposite with travel spending falling squarely into the former category. He had never done much traveling and ascribed little value to it — certainly much less than the cost of a plane ticket.

Said wife, knowing he would enjoy the trip immensely, “sealed the deal” so-to-speak by purchasing weekend passes for the convention. The boy experienced mixed emotions as this is something he had dreamed about since reading videogame magazines as a child and being enthralled by the loads of new game information coming each year out of CES and, later, E3. He was also sure it would be quite expensive, and, although they live comfortably, they are not exactly swimming in excess.

It worked out well. They had a small nest-egg thanks to a Great Recession tax credit. They borrowed money from themselves and made a vacation out of it. Plane tickets were purchased, hotel room was booked, and the boy prepared to embark on what he did not yet know was a journey of self-discovery. (Groanworthy, yes?)

The trip was a cascade of firsts: his first convention, his first time west of the Mississippi, his first flight… It was an exciting event to the boy who craves adventure far more than he actually has opportunity to experience it.

More importantly, it was the first time he realized his interests were just as valid and important as those of anyone else. It’s hard not to think a hobby is important while surrounded by 69,999 other geeks who love it just as much as you do. When you hear about game conventions, it is a tale of thousands of sweaty, smelly gamers stuffed into a building for 12 hours a day. All the boy noticed oozing from their pores was the same enthusiasm and passion he feels for the hobby.

The boy felt like a star. He was in his element. He was surrounded by games yet unplayed by the masses but, more importantly, by people who shared his love for the medium… and were confident and intelligent.

He met awesome people like Dan (of is better with beer) , Elaine (of Some Other Castle), and Nick (who blogs at UltraNurd.net). He rubbed elbows with minor gaming celebrities who are, to him, more important than anyone who ever appeared in People Magazine. During PAX, he was on an level playing field with these guys. He chatted up Anthony Gallegos, Arthur Geis, and Tyler Barber of Rebel FM, Matt Chandronait and Jason Bertrand of Area5, among others.

For that weekend, he was a celebrity. He faked being important and confident until the fakes were real. He was important. His ideas and thoughts were important. His hobby was important.

Perhaps more important still in this process of self-discovery is that the boy was able to take his new knowledge that gaming was no less than football, jogging, or watching TV, and extrapolate from there. If this was true, it must also be that his social and political ideas, no matter how marginal and wacky they are (and they are both marginal and wacky), must have value too.

He was always confident in himself internally, but, until this event he kept himself closely guarded. Sure, he related to people on a surface level and had no problems making friends. All this came along with the nagging feeling that perhaps he wasn’t good enough or that he was childish or, in terms of the political and social ideas, that he was too idealistic.

Now, he can project himself and his interests without fear. Upon reflection, the impact of the event has spread throughout all aspect of his life. At first, he feels silly to even suggest that a videogame convention could somehow change his life. Then, he remembers that his experiences and the value he derives from them are also valid… just as are his interests and his ideas.

He goes through life now with a renewed vigor and hunger to achieve his dreams. You may call it naive, but he doesn’t really care anymore. It isn’t naive to him. It is him. It is what he has become.

Oh yeah. He also got to play some games.

This first ran at a cool new site called Clocktown started by my friends Griff and Krystle. You will see me posting there periodically.