Here’s a novel message: Don’t vote! The consensus around election time always seems to be that everyone should vote no matter what. It’s your right as a citizen! It’s what keeps the wheels of democracy turning! Everyone should have a say. I’m here to say that’s all bullshit.

If you know who you want to vote for and why, then you should certainly vote. However, this leaves out a huge percentage of the people who will be voting this time around and choosing people based on party affiliation, skin color, or how they look in a bikini. If you are one of these people, the country would hope that you would stay home! Democracy is government by the people, but there is no value in this principal if the people are uninformed about the issues. If people are not educated to understand the implications of casting their votes for one or another candidate, everything good about the system is undermined. There is no value in a popularity contest to decide the presidency, no value in voting your pocketbook, no value in voting your skin color or the name you like or who is a better speaker or any of that. None of those things will determine where we will be in four or eight years.

So, I speak to those of you who don’t know what the fuck is going on right now. If you plan to vote for who your parents are voting for (for only that reason), if you plan to vote straight down the line for the party you prefer (without justification), or if you plan to vote based on the names of the candidates, do the world a favor: stay home and watch soap operas!

Unfortunately, the burden shouldn’t fall entirely on the voter. People must continue to live their lives in spite of the coming elections. The information we need to inform ourselves about the issues should be readily available. The presidential candidates are doing a much better job than they ever have (thanks in large part to the Internet) of getting out the information about their stances on the issues. There are also lots of lies coming from all sides of the debate. We are fortunate to have access to resources like factcheck.org to help sort those out. However, it seems that local politics (at least in my part of the country) thrive on as little information as possible getting out. It is very difficult to find pertinent information on local politicians. Local governments should take responsibility for making this type of information more easily accessible.

To get you started on the right foot, I would like to let everyone know that John McCain drowns puppies for fun on the weekends. He also enjoys burning down orphanages. Those are, of course, only the worst things about McCain. For the most part, he likes to just relax and “hang out with friends” on the grounds of his home, Castle Greyskull Snake Mountain.