If you aren’t interested in long, convoluted rants by a former customer who has the nerve to expect service on the $400 product he has recently purchased, you may want to pass this post up.

I ordered an HTC Mogul from Sprint a few days ago. I was really excited about having a smart phone. I believed it would make my life easier in a lot of ways. It did make it easier in some, and it was pretty cool. My Mogul however was cursed with a drinking problem. I charged the Mogul for a night then took him off the charger to go to work. After a 40 minute commute with a couple of short calls, his battery was drained to 80%. Throughout the eight-hour work day, he was charged for approximately three hours on the USB charger. By the end of the day, he was at only 70% battery remaining.

Knowing that I won’t always have the luxury of topping him off for three hours every day, I figured it was time to give him up. I’m still able to do that since I’m only about two days into my initial 30 days. I browsed the Sprint website and decided to go with a simpler (and much cheaper) phone: the LG Muziq. I called to make the change. The first person I spoke with said I needed to be transferred to another department to handle the change. I was transferred to upgrade sales who told me I would have to pay full price for the phone since it would be considered an upgrade. The $99 phone I chose will cost $330 instead. I told her I would like to cancel figuring I could cancel this account and start a new one later to get the new customer price. I was transferred again to the retention department. A very kind young woman said she could fix this problem. She said I could bring the Mogul into a store and switch for the Muziq at the $99 price. I was very excited at this prospect.

I took a trip to the Sprint store with my Mogul in hand. The clerk at the store said there were notes on the account authorizing her to sell me the Muziq for $99, but she had no authorization to take back my return. I explained to her that the arrangement was for me to bring the old phone in to make the switch. She insisted she could not do so without the authorization. I opened up the Mogul box, took him out, and called customer service. After holding, I explained to the gentleman my situation. He gladly added the authorization to the account and stayed on the line while I insured his notes were all that would be necessary to make the return. The clerk said that was sufficient. I disconnected my call with customer service. I was somewhat perturbed at this point but relieved that I would be able to complete the transaction.

The clerk spent several minutes getting my new phone and typing into a computer. I waited patiently. She then said, “OK. That will be $109.24,” the price of my new phone plus tax. I had assumed I would just take the new phone and the difference would be credited back to me either in cash at the store or applied back to the credit card with which I made the purchase. I asked the clerk how I would receive the refund. Her response: “I don’t know.” I am thinking to myself at this point, “So, I should leave a $400 phone with you not knowing if or how I will ever receive the money back. Then, I should pay you another $100 for a new phone?” I told her I couldn’t really do that. She asked if I would like to call customer service again to find out how I would receive the refund. She offered to let me go home, call, and then come back. Thanks, but no thanks. I told her I wanted to have everything resolved when I left the store. She kindly made the call for me to a service line on which she did not have to hold. She asked how I would received credit back. She was told the credit would come back to me in the form of a credit to my Sprint account.

Like most people (I would think), I cannot really afford to make a $400 interest-free loan to Sprint. The total cost of the phone was $436.99 after taxes. My rate plan was $30 per month. This means I would have received my full refund for a phone which was either a lemon or defective by design in one year and three months. Totally beaten down, I left the store with my broken phone in hand. It was at this point I realized this was a mere glimpse of things to come. I was determined that I will give them no money.

I called Sprint customer service on the way back home–a 15 minute drive. I was on hold the entire time and for a few minutes at home. I was then back on the phone with the retention department. I asked the rep to cancel my account. He asked why. I recounted the entire shitty story to him. He canceled my account. He then asked, “Which is the phone you would like to buy?” I replied, “It’s nothing personally against you, but, at this point, I don’t think I even want to have Sprint service.” I am now done with Sprint.

I am glad I had some problems on the front end of this relationship. It could have easily been very smooth for a few months into the two-year contract I was nearly suckered into. Then I would have been stuck in a labyrinthine customer service system for months and months–maybe the remainder of my contract. I am also currently a Nextel subscriber. My contract with Nextel will expire in December. I have had much better luck with their customer service, but I am now resolved to cancel that service when the contract expires. Sprint, in fucking me, you may also have ever-so-gently fucked yourselves.